Critical Conversations

Russell Eastwood

Leadership Team Session 3

As we're learning these critical conversations there is the need to have a critical friend to check in with for support, debrief, bounce off, reenergize, get feedback, keep on track. Need to be someone you trust, who can be open and honest.

When in the conversation check in with the person that they are thinking the same way as I am. Stay in the moment listening to their conversation.

Review:

• Activating event, thought, image, sensation, behaviour, own emotion
• Belief - thinking at all levels, awareness of our feelings
• Consequence - feelings and emotions, our reaction to the Activating event.
• Dispute - logically and accurately challenging the underlying beliefs - develop a ritual or language to move into this stage, emperically, pragmatically, logically

The Basic Principles

• Focus on the situation, issue, or behaviour, not on the person
• timeliness of the conversation
• step back and look at the bigger picture
• avoid letting personality differences keep me from dealing with a problem
• make decisions based on facts
• consider other points of view
• Maintain the self-confidence and self-esteem of others
• come from a neutral position
• leave them to come up with the solution
• ask questions - be in the moment
• bring them back to a point when they were successful
• openly express confidence in others
• recognise accomplishments and ideas
• encourage people to express their ideas
• encourage people to use and expand
• Maintain constructive relationships
• listen in the moment
• watch yours and their body language
• awareness of what else is going on with the person
• reconnect with the person that the relationship is still there
• use every interaction as an opportunity to build relationships
• acknowledge problems openly, honestly, and objectively
• deal with conflicts as they arise
• share information
• Take initiative to make things better
• don't ignore it
• make decisions even if it is controversial
• work towards the same goal and everyone is accountable
• look for opportunities for improvement
• stay informed
• explore a solution to every problem
• ask for and offer help
• Lead by example
• consistant in messaging
• lead by example in language, actions, role modeling
• belief needs to be messaged
• if we make mistakes we admit it, learn from it and move on
• model the behaviours I expect others to practice
• follow through on my commitments
• admit my mistakes
• challenge myself and others to try new ways of doing things
• Think beyond the moment
• uphold the ethical standards of my school
• weigh the impact of my decisions before taking action on them
• set objectives that motivate action
• plan ahead

The Qualities of Genuine Leadership

• Collaborative
• needs to be clear and shared
• WE, not a predetermined outcome followed by a fake process
• trust 
• buy in
• open of how final decisions are made
• Inventive
• Skilled
• Visionary
• big picture
• Mindful
• of all stakeholders
• conscious of not taking sides
• think of the bigger picture

Before going into the meeting think positive, think about the outcome.

Setting Expectations

• State the purpose of the discussion
• Explain how the work helps the school/children
• Mutually discuss expectations and measures
• Recap and check for commitment
• Set a check-in date

Giving Recognition

• Explore opportunities to give recognition
• given as is needed, not as a build in to something that needs fixing
• Detail the behaviour as quickly and specifically as possible
• Outline the consequence on you and on the organisation
• include this to add to the impact
• Barriers to giving recognition - personality, other areas are 'crap' (target the positives), consciousness - noticing the behaviour

Delegation

• Share why they are the person you have chosen
• is your time worth more than the job at hand?
• right person for the job
• Explain how the task fits in to the bigger picture
• careful not to let the task speak for itself
• Describe a picture of success
• what will the result look like
• what is the impact of what you are doing?
• What help is needed
• what sort of follow up will you need from me? Agree so not too little or too much support.
• preempt problems and deal with them at the beginning
• Verify understanding and commitment
• need all 5 steps
• dates and time
• are they interpreting what you want them to do in the same way you are?
• beware not to micro-manage

Resolving Conflicts with your Peers

• Describe the issue
• State the impact on results
• Invite an open exchange of reactions
• Ask for suggestions on ways forward
• Gain agreement on next steps

Providing Constructive Feedback

• Verbalise your positive intentions
• this is what I've observed
• I'd like to have a talk about the meeting we had in the staffroom this morning...
• we haven't addressed this but we're addressing it now...
• Tell them in detail what you have seen
• examples, not what you've heard
• keep referring back to these
• Outline the impact of the behaviour or action
• the impact of your comments have been ...
• be clear about the impact!
• Invite a response from the other person
• 'That's a conversation for another time, we're talking about what I've seen and the impact of the behaviour'
• Keep the discussion focused on solutions
• timeliness of conversations
• how would you like me to keep you honest
• agree on an action by the end of the meeting

So What For Me and My Time?

• Look for legitimate opportunities to give recognition including when the reason is obvious and someone is blowing their whole horn
• Prepare and practice a critical conversation. Start with the easy ones - giving recognition and delegation. Have the conversations with the staff. Discuss how the conversations with Mark.
• Prepare and practice constructive feedback conversation with team members. To be supported by all leadership team members. Stick to a current situation.
• Role play conversations with Mark?
• Share with the Leadership Team my conversations and opportunities for conversations I've seen.